Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been helping a friend with a basic class on WordPress. He said he was surprised that I had learned so much about WordPress. To be perfectly honest, I think I was a bit surprised myself.
We used three themes as examples. We started with Twenty Sixteen which I had never actually used before. We moved on to some basic techniques with Divi, and finally I suggested Typology as the third theme as I know it very well.
The classes went great, and I even learned a thing or two. I learned that when we need an example site to use, I won’t be using mine again. As soon as I got home and logged into my site, everything started falling apart. I started having plugin conflicts one right after the other. I disabled all of the plugins, and then spend over an hour re-activating each plugin. Somehow, nearly 14 of my plugins became corrupted. Turn one on, reload the site, find the problem, turn the plugin off, and then find the same thing with the next plugins I tried.
I solved the problem in a hurry. I went into the archive on my big hard drive and over wrote every plugin. It was a long shot, but it worked. Then I re-installed my Divi theme. On the home page I could see the header and the footer, but everything in between was gone.
I went into the Divi theme builder and rebuilt the home page. I thought it was all done and working until I tried to go to another page. All of my primary menu links just reloaded the home page. I loaded the Twenty Sixteen theme and everything worked perfectly. But that wasn’t the theme I wanted. My friend had two premium themes in his collection that he never used. He gave me the themes and he even paid for new activation keys for both.
Neither of the themes that he gave me were anything close to what I really wanted, so I reloaded my Typology theme. This is where I got another surprise. The activation key for my Typology theme had expired because I hadn’t used it for a while. No big problem, I just contacted the company. It would cost me $35 for a new activation key. They sent me to the page where I could make the transaction.
I put in my information, put in my debit card, and clicked purchase. My debit card was declined. Nothing about insufficient funds because I had over $800 on the card. I tried again and got the same result.
I decided to take a break. I took a walk over to the store for a soda and some chips. Once again my debit card was declines. Just to make sure this was an all out problem, I went to a tobacco shop to purchase a pound of tobacco. Once again the card was declined. I called the number to get my card balance. It was $813.00 and change, so I knew that wasn’t the problem.
As soon as I got home, I called the card company to find out what was going on. The first three times I called, I got a message that their call volume was exceptionally high and wait times were high. The recording said to use their online site, or to call back later, and then it hung up on me.
The next time I called, I actually got a real live human. As soon as he answered, he asked if I could hold. I spent the next 38 minutes on hold. When I reconnected, I got the same recording about high call volume and was hung up on a fourth time.
I called back again.
After spending another 22 minutes on hold, a human finally picked up. He introduced himself as Mark, and he immediately asked me to hold. He never hit the hold button. I literally screamed into the phone. I said “you damn well better not put me on hold! I have a debit card with money on it that is being declined everywhere and I damn well want to know why!”
As it all turned out, the bank that handled my debit card had enrolled me in some anti-fraud program that they had. In order to use my card, I had to call them and ask permission. Have you ever heard of such a ridiculous thing? I told them that I wanted to be un-enrolled from their program. They told me that they couldn’t remove me from the program. I said, “well, I’ll be damned if I’m going to call you every time I want to buy tobacco or food! You either remove me from this program, or I will contact the Minnesota State Attorney General’s office consumer fraud division and file a complain with them!”
They told me that they could put in a request for me to use my card, but it wouldn’t be in effect for 24 hours. I said “no, I want this card turned back on so I can use it now”! After a few more minutes of arguing, I asked for the routing number that I needed to transfer all of my funds to another bank. Their tune changed all of a sudden. They said that they would have my card back in working order by 1 pm this afternoon.
At around 1:30 this afternoon, I went down to Subway for a sandwich. As soon as I got home, I went back to the page to purchase the new activation key. Once again I was declined. I was seriously pissed off. I called the card company again and spent another 42 minutes on hold. Once again I literally screamed into the phone just as the person who answered said please hold.
This was where I got the facts.
This new anti-fraud program that the bank had implemented was set forth in an executive order written by our very own clown-and-chief Joe Biden. I told the representative that I didn’t care if Jesus Christ himself ordered the plan. I told them that if this problem wasn’t completely straightened out within one hour, I was going to file a lawsuit starting at a million dollars.
The conversation after that went something like this:
Rep: “You need to understand that this program was set forth by executive order and we are required by law to follow it.”
Me: “It’s like I just told you. I don’t give a damn if Jesus himself ordered the plan. I want my funds released immediately!”
Rep: “We may be able to release your funds by tomorrow afternoon.”
Me: “You obviously don’t understand English. I said within one hour or I will be filing a lawsuit!”
Rep: “Tomorrow afternoon is the best we can do.”
At this point, I responded to every response from the rep with big numbers. She said something else, I said that the lawsuit was now going to start out at $3 million. She gave me another excuse, I said $6 million. She said that she could have someone call me in the morning. I said $8 million. I tossed out $10 million, $15 million, and then finally I said $20 million. I knew I would never get a dime of that, but it was certainly be a big wave of negative publicity for them when the lawsuit became public. I also notified them that they had already used up 23 minutes of the time that I allotted them.
The final result? I paid for my new license key about an hour ago, I opened a Chime bank account, and I transferred every last dime from this card company. I told the representative what the card company told me about the executive order. The guy laughed. He said that they knew of the new regulation in one of Biden’s economic recovery programs. They guy said that they thought the anti-fraud program was a joke and they simply chose not to observe it.
Chime told me that they would have my debit card sent out by overnight Federal Express, and I should be receiving it sometime tomorrow morning. I should have switched over a long time ago.
Now I know why I didn’t vote for the clown in the White House.